Kartini: Princess of Java

I wrote this on Kartini’s Day but decided to post it only today. And I know it is very late to still celebrate the day, but here are my thoughts regarding one of Kartini’s movies starring Dian Sastro.

To commemorate Kartini’s Day marked every 21st of April, I decided to watch Kartini: Princess Of Java the movie. I have been wanting to watch it for a while, to learn more about one of Indonesia’s most influential heroines, Kartini.

The movie started with a scene in the future where Kartini would be engaged (or so I guess) and her sister asked her if she thinks that is the right choice. Kartini answered with a hopeless yet angered voice “Do I even have a choice?” I think that was a very powerful way to start a movie about women’s emancipation. Because in the end, what we really fight about, is to have our own choice to lead our own life.

There was another scene that was memorable to me as well: a scene where Kartini and her two sisters cook in the kitchen with their housemaids. One of the older maids told them that if they can cook well then their future husbands would be very happy to always stay at home.

To be honest, I’m so sick of hearing that. I have been hearing that sentence all my life.

That I should learn to cook for my husband, know how to clean the house for my husband, take care of my face and body for my husband, and if I can’t do all of those things, it is going to be my fault if he tries to find another woman.

And Kartini’s answer really voiced my feelings on that matter. She said she doesn’t cook only to be a good wife to her husband. But for herself and for the people that she loves. That may or may not include her husband in the future.

All my life I get pressured to prepare myself to learn the skills required to be a good wife. I worry too much if I can’t be a good wife in the future or if my parents-in-law will hate me because of my lack of housewives skills that I have. Not because of myself.

Shouldn’t being present and always on his side be enough for the husband? Shouldn’t we marry because we love each other and want to spend the rest of our lives together? Isn’t the husband here to find a partner and not find someone to take care only of him? Isn’t cleaning the house, doing laundry, and cooking food (for US to eat) not only a one-person job in the house? I don’t want to sound like that kind of person, but it just doesn’t make sense to me.

If a wife can not do something a basic survival skill that every human being should know is enough reason for a man to cheat then maybe they need to reconsider the reason to marry in the first place. Shouldn’t the solution is to talk it out and change the behavior and not ‘searching for another woman out there? Because then that would mean he is not marrying the wife because of herself but because of another reason. Is that even healthy?

I’m so sick of hearing those sentences. That a young girl already gets pampered to prepare herself to be a good housewife and not get encouraged to be a better person for her future.

Is being a good wife a woman’s only goal in her life?

I still want to be a good wife. But I want to do it because I care for my husband. Not because I feel obligated to and fear that he will cheat on me if I can’t be one.