Emotions & Connectedness
Growing up, I never learned how to process my emotions. I always try to rationalize everything that happens in my life. No one teaches me how to feel, how to cope with my emotions whether positive or negative, and how to even express my feelings. I don’t know how to build trust with other people or how to make connections with them.
I grew up listening to how to not trust anyone, how to only depend on oneself, and how to try not to reach for anyone in any situation. I learned to be self-dependent and how to cage my emotion from other people’s influence. I don’t even know how to react based on whatever things I feel.
I never want to be vulnerable. Because vulnerability means weakness. At least, that is what I used to believe. Why do people avoid being seen as weak? Maybe that means they are easy to deal with. They are not important because they are weak. Society takes weak people lightly.
Nowadays, I’m learning how to process my emotions. Like a child learning how to form words. What reaction I should give best based on feelings. Allowing any feelings to rise naturally from whatever stimulus. Feeling angry, sad, happy. I always suppressed them before because I think they are not important. They are just distractions.
Working hard to get good grades, planning my career for the future, and focusing on tasks are always my top priorities. Never allowing any distractions such as conflicting with loved ones, wasting time hanging out only to catch up with friends, or socializing really.
But connecting with other humans is just as much important as those achievements. We are social beings anyways. Because at the end of the day, we need our family and friends to feel full in life and to share joyful moments together.
